Dresscue Me, Episode 1

When I first heard about the new reality show Dresscue Me on Planet Green, I was thrilled that someone in the industry was putting the focus on a designer who refashions vintage clothing to make them modern. If that wasn't fantastic enough, it is also part of a global campaign benefiting my favorite place in the world, Goodwill Industries. I couldn't wait to watch it and marked my calendar for the premier. Although we don't get the Plant Green channel at home, I found a way around that by purchasing the series on iTunes for around $16.

I have to admit I was a little jealous of Shareen and the anticipation of the first episode was killing me! In case this is the first time you're reading my blog, I just happen to be a designer who uses vintage and recycled pieces to make modern one of a kind items for my customers. But the bigger picture is that if the world will embrace one woman in this type of business, it will embrace more, so it's a win-win.

Well, readers, the first episode was a disappointment. I have to accept some of the blame here, though, because my hopes and expectations may have been way too high. In the first 60 seconds we learn that Shareen is already thinking of firing someone, she cried about losing a client at her staff meeting and her four young female Style Assistants are terrified of her! I guess it's no surprise that there's drama from the get-go, as drama sells.

Next we see her space, which is a huge warehouse stuffed to the gills with vintage. The first customer walks in off the street looking for a dress for a homecoming with her husband who's been deployed in the military. She's immediately told to derobe in the middle of the store in front of everyone. Shareen calls it a "fashion locker room" and since there are no boys allowed, it's a safe place. I don't know about you, but if I just walked into a store and met these people for the first time (not to mention if there was a camera crew there) I don't think I'd be disrobing.

Here's where Shareen, the renegade stylist, really takes over. The client said she wanted to look natural. The first dress Shareen tries on her is a hot pink and green leaf-print dress that is obviously too big. The next option is a pale pink skin tight 1950's dress with a ribbon sash. Cut to the camera crew interviewing the client who begins to cry because she hasn't lost the baby weight and doesn't feel beautiful. [If you're keeping score here, we're up to 2 crying jags in under 5 minutes].

While the client is crying to the crew, we see Shareen telling one of her Style Assistants that she's stressed out that she hasn't figured out the right dress yet and nervous that she's going to disappoint this client on a very special day. The stylist in me is immediately thinking of how I would run my business differently. Why doesn't she take appointments so she can be prepared? Why doesn't she measure the client when she first arrives? I would prefer to schedule a client meeting and have 8-10 great options, rather than throwing everything in the warehouse at each client to see what sticks. But I digress...

One of her stylists tells the audience [or confessional camera] that Shareen is about to "lose her mind because she doesn't fail" and proceeds to run around the entire warehouse grabbing dresses - I don't see any method behind this: color, size, style - and they begin round two of forcing dresses over the client's head.

Round 2 begins with a gauze hippie dress that swallows the client up; next is something that looks like lingerie, but doesn't even close in the front it's so obviously the wrong size; a green and pink floral halter dress that prompts Shareen to tell her Style Assistant "Don't waste your time when it's obviously wrong;" a cream colored cocktail dress with assymmetrical billowy layers hanging off the skirt to which Shareen comments "It's just wrong for her. Wrong, wrong and wrong," as she continues to try to get the dress on her client.

If I went to a stylist for help, I wouldn't want to hear the word wrong so many times. This is kamikaze styling at its best, with 4-6 hands tugging and prodding and zipping and pulling at the client all at once! I think I would have walked out of there and taken my chances at a thrift store.

After round two Shareen blames her Style Assistant's choices on the fact that none of the dresses worked for the client and admits that she may be hard to work for. And 5:17 into the show, we have our first curse word.

She calls all four girls into a circle in front of the client, which makes the client visibly uncomfortable, and tells them to pull "everything that could be remotely right for this client." We also learn that the husband is coming home at 6:00 pm and it is now 5:30.

We have another situation where the client is stuck in a dress that is too small, Shareen rejects more of the Style Assistant's choices and finally we see all five of them digging through garbage bags on the floor out of sheer desperation. The stylist in me is mortified at this point. Why is there anything in a garbage bag on the floor? Why isn't everything organized, dry cleaned, and hanging on racks according to size and color? Why would you let your client see that you have garments in garbage bags??

Shareen picks up a red dress that she recently refashioned, wondering aloud "where has this dress has been all day, it should have been on a hanger," and tries it on the client. Still there's no wow yet from this poor client. She likes it but she doesn't love it. The fit is not right in the back. Then the team proceeds to shove the client into every corset and undergarment option in the shop to make the dress smoother on her body. When they finish, miracle of miracles, the client is happy! In my humble opinion, the client looks a little like a hippie version of Wonder Woman, but if she's happy, she's happy.

We finally get our first glimpse into the refashioning part of what Shareen does. They show us a drawing of the dress as it was before, and then a photo of the dress on a dress form to illustrate the transformation whilte Shareen's voice-over explains the work involved in updating this dress for the modern day girl. She basically cut off the turtleneck and sleeves and turned it into a halter dress using a gold rope tie at the neck.

The next part is the big shocker. They don't explain if this is a rental cost or a purchase price, but either way, I'm stunned. $58. Are you kidding me? I can only guess that the owner plus four Style Assistants spent at least an hour with this client and she's walking away paying $58? How does Shareen pay the rent or pay her employees if she makes $58 split 5 ways?

We get a breather next where we get to follow Shareen on a buying trip. She goes to one of those picker places like the Seattle Goodwill outlet store, where you pick through the bins and buy by the pound. This part made me salivate there was so much volume and it was all cast away clothing! She ended up with a huge pile of dresses for $63 and change.

Back at the shop she calls her husband for heavy lifting help and they bring the recent purchases, wrapped up in a bedsheet, upstairs to another storage space. This space is absolutely filled with piles of clothing wrapped up in bedsheets 5 and 6 deep, 10 or 12 wide. I'm starting to see why her showroom is such a mess. She buys 10 times faster than she sells, and she can't keep up. It's obviously hoarding behavior. She claims that in the seven years she's been in business she's never taken a vacation, and she'll never get one if she still has so much work to do in that storage space.

Back to the drama. The fastest way to put Shareen in a bad mood is to have a client walk out of the showroom. "If this staff can't pick it up, someone's going home!"

The next client comes in looking for an after-party dress to wear to her own wedding reception, and Shareen assigns her Style Assistant, Katherine, to help her. Katherine pulls 20 garments or so and then Shareen edits them down to nothing. Shareen is yelling at the confessional camera at this point saying "It doesn't matter how you feel that I don't like your pick for the client, all that matters is that you find the right dress for the girl!"

Again, the client disrobes in the middle of the shop, tries on a couple of 1950's dresses, one of which is absolutely hideous, even the client points out that it "looks like I had an accident." She tries on a couple of more options that won't work, and then Shareen goes back to the sewing room where we see that she has a professional seamstress in her employ as well (surprise, surprise), but she comes out telling the client "I make these." It's a white crinoline skirt with a feather boa sewn to it, making it look like a voluminous feather skirt. She tries that on the client with a vintage beaded corset and the client is happy. She also tells the client she can keep the skirt but will have to return the corset because it's one of a kind and she's not selling it. Either way, at least the price is a bit higher than the first client, $199.

The next sequence is a quiet moment of absolute humiliation for her Style Assistant, Marie, who is trying to earn more money by buying vintage and re-selling to Shareen. Shareen reduces Marie to tears and confusion, she's questioning herself and calling herself stupid. In the end, Shareen buys her out for the items, even though she didn't like any of them, and then bad mouths her to the camera crew.

For a little more drama, we get a video clip of the military homecoming, and the client is back for another outfit. I'm too exhausted to describe another play by play, so here's the summary of this fitting for a "sexy & daring" outfit for a date night: 1 - a blue and white hawaiian mumu, 2 - a vintage black elizabethan looking gown, 3 - a bright red sleeveless ruched cocktail dress refashioned from a long sleeved version, which she decides is perfect... for the price of, you guessed it: $58.

I'm now convinced that this military wife client was a plant as she takes out her phone so that her husband can tell Shareen how great the dress was on his wife for his homecoming. I've never had my husband come home from the war, but I'm guessing he wouldn't remember the dress I wore, if you know what I'm saying. The client tells the camera that Shareen is amazing and that this is "her calling in life."

We wrap up the first episode with a swearing, screaming, scolding staff meeting, with crying and sad faces. She lightens the moment by telling them she's not going to be any less relentless next week.

I'm not one to give up on a series after the first episode, so although my review of the pilot is primarily negative, stick with me through the whole first season, because I'll be reviewing each episode here on the blog. Go vintage!